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Your dreams come true
Monday, 19 February 2007
Beggining
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: Your dreams come true

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you could just walk into what ever dream you imagined. I have. I think about it relentlessly.  What would it be like if you could just could just walk into anyones body, live thier life for a day. To see how your actions affect the world. To watch your self act in some sort of movie and watch your life play infront of you like a movie, for you to see how people actully think of eachother. I wonder this, and so many things so muchI lose concentration of the real world and wonder what people think of just a gaze of me. If  i say something a certain way I think about that one statement all day. These small things bug me all day. Its strange I cant really explain it. But I have gotten far too ahead of myself. Like I was saying, have you ever thought about just being able to walk into any world you imagined? It's an instresting thought, I think thats why I am so into cartooning and writing. So I could create my own world.  But unforthanly I will never go there exept in the alleys of my mind. And even imagination has limits. At least mine does. I have noticed that over the years imagination begins to fade away in a human mind. To make way for new information to be processed, dates, wars, equations so on. I try my hardest to reverse these process with new ideas but to my horror it seems I can no longer create my own amazing stories, rather I can merely build off new ones. Which brings me to my topic. Imagining yourself in these wonderful worlds. I really hope that I am not the only one that feels this. But I think that whie doing this I lost the point I started. I began doing this around 4th grade, when I began a long perio of my life. I didnt have any friends. I cried myself to sleep  several nights but never  told my family. I was afraid  they would some how look down on me.  I always was left out in things. Kickball for instence my favorite activity was never fun  in school beacause      i was never picked. Kids argued over who got me. It was not beacuse i wasn't good, I used to love sports, it was beacause i was an outcast perhaps it was beacause my race, the fact i have none, black & white, other as the forms called it, i could never fit in with any of the clicks, and suffered alot of discrimiagation from all races i was too geeky for "white" kids, too "white?" for the black and a abominastion towards hispinics. People talk about my group as muts of idiot dads and ignorant moms. sometimes i silently agree with them. To escape from this I created fantasy worlds in my mind valent heroes that saved the world with thier friends and admired by all. I always wished to feel that kind of proudness. someone admiring me like that. I created these worlds to stop my cries but eventullay lost all my socail skills. It is hard for me to carry out a conversation and i cant keep eye contact. I cannot make friends beacause i cant talk openly. its hard. thats why i create these worlds were i can form my own friends and make them how i want them. no putting me down calling me fat or a geek. just being nice to me. I saw a movie tonight Bridge to Terabethia. They were just like me. And for me it's a big to be able to really relate to someone. The aurthor portrayed the characters of my imagination, best friends. ive always dreamed of having one of those. But unforthanly those characters were made up, just like mine. And im sure the actors are nothing like that. And nowadays i doubt I would ever find someone like that. It is hard to explain the minds true feelings but i think that is why the pencil was made. you can draw any world or write. it is fun but it would just be nice if someone like that in the world would read this and we could be friends. i wish. it is strange how i see people use that phase "friend" so easily. on TV shows and in school. having partys sleepover. i doubt ill ever get it.  I cry inside and create a socail shell around myself so no one will see through me. I you let the enemy know your weaknesses they will use it against you. And i cannot afford any more sorrow. Nor anymore insults i wonder about all day. I have inough on my mind and enough stress.     

Character I have a crush on ↓ 



Posted by thenarutozone at 1:13 AM EST
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